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I was innocently walking home from buying condoms, pabst, and pornography from THE WRONG SIDE OF TOWN. ( the west hills) , when I was brutally accosted. A 4 foot 11 bald white man rushed out from the bushes, and assaulted me with his SUV keys. He pushed me down, carved into my face, and tried to rape me… Fail. I waited patiently for him to pop some Viagra, but he was still pretty limp. I showed him my pornography, but that didn’t help. While I was holding a pabst to my face to suppress bruising, he just wrote me a rape kit bill and sulked away, muttering.
I’m pretty scared and vulnerable right now, so I think I’m just gonna make a couple press releases, then relax with my pornography and call it a day.
Posted October 2008
Katie says:
Awww, you’re reading Wired’s Threat Level. How sweet. (I love Threat Level. Down with voting machines!)
Probably says something about me - that I’d really rather not think about - that this picture is totally “teh sexay” (as the kids say).
I’m not typically so creepy. Yeah, gonna go drown myself like a bag o’ kittens now. I feel so… dirty.
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